On becoming a person

I get these rushes of personality. Between them, nothing much happens. I usually waste time worrying, analysing, having neurotic thoughts.. But, in the space of this time, I realise I am avoiding being a person. I’m afraid of becoming a person. This is nonsense. There is nothing more valuable than being a person. And so, all else failing, I am committed to staying in touch with that person who is ‘me’.

I don’t see him as often as I would like to, but I know he is still in there somewhere. He is witty, sharp, confident and far more brave and energetic than any of my other attempts at being a person. I know he is shying away from that other stupid guy - the one who tries to satisfy all those other people - the one who tries as hard as he can to offend none and quietly conform as much as possible.

I know the guy who really is me, is down there. I know he is the real me. Because when I am him, he reflects me so well, so intimately, and in such a direct, honest way, it is hard to believe I can be anyone else.

I used to try so hard to be someone else.. It turns out I have a perfectly good ‘me’ and he fits me perfectly. I like this ‘me’. I want to be him more often, I know I enjoy him more, and I think others do too. So, my purpose I guess, is to find him, and stick with him, from now on, through better or worse.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

- Dr Seuss